JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
