I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
