the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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