I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
