i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
