Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize