He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I look better un-naked...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
