i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
