So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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