evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
