It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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