How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
