I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
