he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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