what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will pee on everything he values.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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