I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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