cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
