I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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