Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
