I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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