i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
