The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
