I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
