Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
