What did we do last night that was yellow?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
