I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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