Welp...herpes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize