i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
