I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
