He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize