So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
