Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
