and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
