I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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