She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
