my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
