I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
