I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
