I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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