So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
