She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
