We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
