Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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