well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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