Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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