I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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