As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
