Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
