I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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