so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just threw up on my dentist
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
