White coat. Heels.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
