we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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