You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
