Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
