I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
