whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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