i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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