I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
