I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize