That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize