I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
