I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
