So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
