the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
