i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
