I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
