All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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