Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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