I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
